It’s camping season again. My husband and children absolutely LOVE camping. They enjoy being out in nature, cooking over an open fire, hiking though trails, sleeping under the stars. Well – we have a pop-up camper – so not exactly under the stars – but close. My family truly enjoys the whole experience. And I love them enough to join them on these adventures.
But there is something wrong with me. I suffer from chronic depression due to anxiety disorder. What that means is I can either be in an episode of depression – where I can not make myself DO hardly anything, or a state of anxiety – where I am nervous and frightened of almost everything. The effects of one are that I do nothing but sleep. The other causes me to be an insomniac.
This past weekend, the first camping trip of the year, I was experiencing the anxiety side of my illness. It is an irrational fear. My brain understands that completely – but my body will not respond to even my own pep-talks. This weekend it rained – and at night there was thunder and lightening. In a pop-up camper the sounds of a thunder storm are magnified 100 fold. I couldn’t sleep. I became sick to my stomach. It kept my poor, caring, supportive husband awake as well. It’s very hard to enjoy the miracle of God’s creation when one’s wife is so frightened she is pacing, and shaking, and vomiting. (sorry sweetie)
I spent the weekend reciting Psalm 56:3. “What time I am afraid, I will trust in Thee.” But then I also asked God to show me more.
Wow. God must truly rejoice at that simply request.
God show me more.
And did He ever. And I began writing this to share all the wonderful scripture He has given to me in the past 3 days – but it just now hit me. Maybe He gave me this affliction for me to ask this one simply question of Him. God show me more.
He led me to a book on my shelf titled Lord I want to Know You. By Kay Arthur.
I found Proverbs 18:10 “The name of the LORD is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe.”
Isaiah 50:10 Who is among you that feareth the LORD, that obeyeth the voice of his servant, that walketh in darkness, and hath no light? let him trust in the name of the LORD, and stay upon his God.
And Exodus 4:11 And the LORD said unto him, Who hath made man's mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the LORD?
Then there is Revelation 4:11 Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.
And I began to understand a little more. God created me. He molded me and formed me. He will keep me safe. He has a plan for me. It may be that I live a long and healthy life, and all my children outlive me. Or, He may have different plans for me. I could die sitting here at this computer. A horrible accident could kill or maim one of my precious children. But whatever happens – I can rest in him.
God – I pray you continue to show me more of You.
